Episode Drop: Kelly Mi Li
Crazy Rich Asians meets Keeping Up with the Kardashians
Kelly Mi Li: Bling Empire
Episode Notes
On the big screen, the stars of Netflix-hit, Bling Empire, seem larger than life. I was fortunate enough to see the more human side to executive producer Kelly Mi Li, who also stars in the show.
From living with walls full of rats, to becoming a successful entrepreneur and Hollywood producer, and having $168 million confiscated by her ex-husband in their divorce, Kelly has gone through a lot. She might be known in public by her extravagant personality on-screen, but her lesser-known journey has been one defined by perseverance and hustle. I have been a fan of Kelly for a while, and this is the first time I got to hear about her come-up story.
Kelly has been a very vocal leader for the Asian community, and I find her especially inspiring as an Asian-American creator myself. In this episode, we discuss the purpose of our work, and what it means to pave the way for others and be inspired by those who came before us. You’ll also hear advice on how to learn to be alone with yourself, and cutting your burn rate to make better financial decisions.
Full transcript available at justin.quest
Justin: [00:00:05] What's up guys, this is Justin Kan. You are listening to my podcast The Quest, where I talk about the ups and downs of trailblazers around me, their human stories and all shit they have gone through before and after finding success.
This is the third guest of our April series to celebrate Asian icons. You've probably seen what's going on in the news recently. There has been a terrible uptick in attacks against Asian elders, and this is something we really need to bring awareness to.
So for this month, we will be highlighting members of the Asian American community on this podcast. If you want to help, you can donate via the link in the show notes. We will get through this together.
Today my guest is Kelly Mi Li. Kelly is the star and executive producer of the Netflix reality show Bling Empire. If you haven't watched it, it is entertaining as hell - it's like Crazy Rich Asian meets the Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and right now it's one of the most popular shows on Netflix!
Kelly: [00:01:06] You know, Hollywood’s still a business, you know, and at the end of the day it's always like, well, if I put an all Asian cast, am I really going to make my money back? Or there's no real Asian actors who is bankable in foreign sales, blah, blah, blah. But we're also showing because of the success of these projects, we're showing Hollywood that Asians are, a business - you invest in us. We can make money. We have power. We have community. So I think all these projects are really great. And then again, hopefully with, Bling Empire, it's just another genre to open more doors and just pave the way for another all Asian cast.
Justin: [00:01:48] I'm a huge fan of Kelly. And this was really the first time we got to sit down and talk. She went through her story from growing up with a single mom, in America as an immigrant to getting married in a whirlwind romance and then finding out her ex-husband or current husband at the time was a con and getting $150 million confiscated by the federal government. And then all the way to becoming a tech and media executive at a successful production company Kelly's been a vocal leader in the Asian American community in Hollywood. And I found her work in the media space to be pretty inspiring. And if you want to break into Hollywood, this is definitely an episode you should check out and a story you should hear. So here is Kelly.
Justin: [00:02:24] Cool. Well, Kelly, thanks so much for joining me on The Quest.
Kelly: [00:02:27] Thank you so much Justin I'm so excited to be here.
Justin: [00:02:30] Awesome. Uh, well, we usually start by diving into, um, people's origin stories and like where they came from. So, you know, Myra said you grew up in China, is that right? And then came to the U.S?
Kelly: [00:02:41] Yeah. I grew up in China. I was born in a town called Kunming. So Kunming is a smaller town, so it's not as big as, uh, Shanghai and Beijing. It's also called the spring city. Cause all year round, the weather is just kind of like LA. Um, I moved here when I was about nine and a half, 10 years old. My mom wanted me to have a better, better education.
She was doing anti-cancer research at UIC. Um, my whole family are in the medical field. When my dad and I came out here, you know, my mom was working two other side jobs. And in addition to doing research, she was working at restaurants and, you know, uh, cleaning. And then my dad had, uh, uh, picked like carpet cleaning jobs.
Like he didn't have a visa. So as I remember, he was making $40 a night for cleaning one carpet, you know, and after, and we lived our first apartment was about $250 a month. And I still remember to this day, I hate the noise of rats because when I was sleeping at nighttime, there was like rats in the walls.
And then it just freaked me out so much. Um, so to this day, rats are like my least favorite. animal So I will not go on like Fear Factor if there's rats involved, um, and, uh, you know, after a year my dad kind of just, you know, as a man, he had a lot of ego. He didn't want to really stay here any longerand he went back to China. So my mom and I stayed in the U.S I think that was a huge turning point in my life where, you know, before people would always asked, what's the one thing you regret. And I always said, I wish I told my dad just to stay in the U.S with us, but, you know, growing up in the Chinese culture, you tend to not talk too much.
You kind of let the adult talk, let the adult make the decision. As a kid, we didn't really have a voice. Right. So I was always brought up not to have a voice in that sense. So that was always kind of one of my turning points. And then, you know, for a long time, I really, I really didn't realize, you know, why my dad left, but you know, now that I'm a little bit older, I was like, he wasn't strong enough.
He wasn't man enough to stay with my mom and I, and struggle it out. Um, and then, um, afterwards my mom kind of worked herself up. She's at my mom's a super woman, you know, she couldn't be a doctor anymore cause she had to go through the whole residency all over again and she had nobody to support us.
Right. So I wish my dad time, like, Hey, you know what, go do your residency all over again. Let me work odd jobs and we'll make it work, you know, but he wasn't strong enough for that. And, um, My mom got into the finance business and, uh, she did really well, and, um, she, we ended up moving to a suburb called Hinsdale afterwards, so I can be in a better school system.
Um, so yeah, my first school, when I was fourth grade, was all Hispanic. I was like probably one of the only two Asian people in the school. And then the middle school when was mostly blacks. And then my, my high school was. Mostly like 97%, not just, not just white, Caucasian, but blonde.
Everybody had blonde hair and tan, you know, so I was thrown into very different situations. I think that's also why I'm able to connect with a different, you know, it doesn't matter the race, age I'm able to connect with a lot of people. Um, and then after graduating school, I, uh, that was in Chicago. When I was 18, I got my life insurance license as soon as I turned 18.
So I started working for New York life insurance license. I've always been a hustler. Like since I was 12 years old, I was babysitting. I don't think I asked my mom really for money, like for allowance. I was like 12. I started babysitting. And then when I was like 15, I started working at restaurants. And, you know, when I was young, when I wasunderage to be honest, I was working at nightclubs. I was doing hosting. I was doing bottle service and bartending started managing. So it's, it's, it's definitely like a hustle mentality and just, you know, make it work. And I moved out to LA when I was 21 and then, uh, was in food and beverage for, I also put a beverage from when I was pretty much 16, 15, all the way til, uh, 25, 26.
I ended up buying my own restaurant at Sunset ,started one of the first speakeasy places. Uh, it was Jim Morrison's old apartment. We call it the Morrison Room. It was a fun experience, but I just got burnt out from the restaurant business and, um, yeah, that's kinda, I'm sorry, I don't know how far I should gone with a starting off.
Justin: [00:06:33] that was amazing. I love that. So it sounds like your mom, just to go back to your mom, it sounds like, it sounds like she really sacrificed for you, which is.
Kelly: [00:06:41] She did
Justin: [00:06:42] incredible. Um,
Kelly: [00:06:44] she? Yeah. She sacrificed everything. Cause even, you know, even when you know, my, my dad left when they got divorced, I was like, you know, she, she should, I mean, I want her to find happiness. I wanted to find her love, but at the same time, you know, she only, I only remember she dated one guy and then that guy's son liked me.
And I was like 16. My mom was like, Nope, like it just broke up. So she never remarried. She never, I, to this day, I don't even know about any love interests really had, you know, just cause if she wants to meet up being in a safe environment and, and, um, you know, happy environment.
Justin: [00:07:13] that's, that's incredible. Did she want you to do anything specific with your career? Like what did she think when you were out there hustling and all of that.
Kelly: [00:07:21] Yeah, she didn't get at all. She would just like, you know, with the, with the Asian parents is like, you know, you have doctor, a lawyer or accountant or engineer at a big spot. Right. So for my family was always, I was, they thought I was going to follow the footstep, but become in the medical field and be a doctor.
But it just wasn't me. I didn't click with me in school. I was never, I was an okay student, but I was never really that great student. Like I just, I don't like, I know I was smart, but I didn't want to, for sometimes, sometimes I want to put in the work. I'm like, what's the point of this? I'm like, I'm like, for me, I'm like, I'd rather learn on the field.
Like when I'm, when there's money involved and there's like real reasons involved, like I'm focused, but like if I'm doing homework and I'm like, Oh, what's the point.
Justin: [00:07:59] Yeah, I get it. , okay. So then you went into a FMB and like were billing out your restaurant. What happened with it? how'd you get out of it?
Kelly: [00:08:08] So I was by myself. That was lesson number one. My first business, I ran by myself. Don't run business by yourself, have good partners. Cause I was just, you know, 18 hours a day, seven days a week. Um, and uh, eventually I think about two years after the restaurant, I bought a business partner on board and, um, I kind of, at the time I was just kind of over it.
And unfortunately she mismanaged, she signed my name on different documents and just, you know, kind of thing. Um, and then, um, the, the, the night, the little bar next to me was called a cat club and they sold it to a now and then it turned into this place called rock and Riley's and these guys pitched me there.
Hey, why don't we do a partnership since you don't, you know, you want to kind of move on with your life. Uh, why don't we do like, uh, you know, you have some ownership of rock and Riley's, we'll take over your restaurant. Um, and then the, the, the deal kind of got a little complicated just cause I knew business partner, I got, I bought on boar, so I was like, just buy me out.
So they ended up buying me out and then I was really happy to get out of that business. I learned a lot though, a lot learned a lot.
Justin: [00:09:12] There's nothing like that first startup or a company where you're like really on the hook and grinding and, you know, you kind of do everything wrong to like teach you a life lesson of like, how to make your way in the world. Right.
Kelly: [00:09:26] Yeah. One of the things I really learned is that life goes on, like, you know, you, somehow you have to figure out because there's, there's, you know, there's days that during payroll. You're like the next day, you're like, I have enough money to either pay rent or pay my staff. And then it's no longer just about you.
It's about, you got to figure out, I got to make sure your staff is okay. And their families. Okay. So there's a lot of pressure. And, um, yeah, but one of the things I learned is that life goes on, things work itself out.
Justin: [00:09:51] So one of the things that I, I wanted to hear more about in the show, but you didn't really go into was in like one of the first episodes you talk about, uh, how, you got married and then your husband. It turned out, was running a scam and got $150 million confiscated by the, by the government.
Can you talk about how you got there?
Kelly: [00:10:11] Yeah, that was pretty crazy. Um, I feel like that was another lifetime. So I was, uh, I was 21. He was 20th time. We met, we met in Vegas and I just always kept as a friend. Um, there's no love interest, uh, from, from me and then fast moving for, I think I was about 24. He was 23. Um, we ended up, uh, you know, meeting up and then had a really great, you know, love story.
We fell in love, we got engaged, we got married and he was, I, I respect him a lot at the time, which is because, yeah, he was an immigrant like me, you know, um, he was born in Beijing and he hustled his way from, from nothing to, you know, building at that time. For me, at least the surface, it was a very successful business.
So. Um, yeah, I, I, you know, I didn't, it was just weird that after, however, after, you know, after we, we were, we had this amazing romance marriage. I thought it was going to be with this person for the rest of my life.
And, um, we were separated because, uh, it was, you know, at that young age, I think he was trying to, I know who he is as well. There's a lot of insecurity where we're giving each other the complete different love language. You know, now that, you know, I'm learning love language and psychology, I was giving him act of service, you know, and he wanna word of affirmation, you know?
And I was giving him the last yes, because for me, I was growing up. It's like, it's like tough love in the Asian culture. It's like, you know, it's like, you give them tough love. And then he was giving me gift gifting. That was his priority. But my gift gifting was the lowest one. I was, um, it was quality time was my, was my highest. So we were just complete, just. Didn't know how to communicate. And then we didn't really talk about a lot of issues. Everything was kind of swept under the rug because in the Asian culture, we were never taught how to speak our emotions and how to voice our emotions.
Um, you know, I didn't discover this until like way later time, my thirties, but, um,he had other, other woman on the side that I later found out about. So we ended up separating. Um, and then w after we were already separated, we're going through the process of divorce.
I had a knock on my door at like 4:00 PM in the afternoon, like on a Friday. And it was like from the FTC looking for him like, Oh, he doesn't live here. I didn't even know what the FTC was at a goat, Google, my federal trade commission. What's that? And, you know, um, but yeah, this whole thing kind of is your starting rate on bailing afterwards.
And I was learning as it goes too. Cause I was reading articles and I was just completely confused. And um, you know, you know, it was a big shock where I went from and I was doing really well financially myself as well. Um, but the money I earned during the time when we're married, it we'll all go. Tingled into this lawsuit.
And so, you know, you go from spending whatever you want on your black Amex to going to the gas station. And you're like, I can't get gas, you know, how do I get gas? So, um, you know, it was a big change, but end of the day for me, cause I've, I've struggled before moving to the us. Uh, so I was, you know, like I, I know that I had to strap up and, um, downgrade and live a different lifestyle, but definitely took a while to change.
Cause even though you know that in your head, but you're going from, you know, living, you know, half a million dollars a month too. I was like, I think if my first apartment after I got everything set up, okay. My expense now is 20,000 a month. I'm like, I can do this, but then that money goes really fast. Oh my God, I got to go, go even lower.
Um, yeah, that's time also. It was weird because I consciously didn't feel like I was doing really well, but subconsciously I was having memory loss and I was dealing with stress. My body was acting out and that's when I started really learning that, you know, your body and mind and your pain kind of all connect.
Yeah. It's LA like life lessons, but, you know,
Justin: [00:13:50] That's super powerful. How did you learn that about yourself? You know, what did you, what techniques did you use to kind of cope or adapt to your new circumstances?
Kelly: [00:14:01] I didn't know how to beginning was very difficult, but obviously later on I realized meditation self-love, um, you know, self. You know, just healing and just taking a proper time off. Cause I was always go, go, go, go, go. You know, it's like, but there's times that you need to sit back, pause, relax, and then figure out the next step.
You know, I was also very lost at time. Cause I didn't really know what I want to do with my life. You know, uh, you know, at a time after going through a divorce and losing everything and you know, career wise, I was also very confused. Um, yeah, it was a huge change.
Justin: [00:14:37] And so then how did you find your way to film and production?
Kelly: [00:14:42] I think God has led me here. I have no idea. I, um, I always had a lot of friends in entertainment. And, um, you know, when, uh, I started doing, like, I did a little bit of management for like, uh, working with some music artists. And then at that time, everybody wanted their own street wear line is when OVO first came out with, cause everybody wanted to own the street wear line.
So then I ended up starting a company with my current partner, which I still have to this day. And we started building brands and building lines for different influencers and celebrities. And through that, I was able to help bring them some deals. Again, it just friends, it just more of relationships. And, um, my first official job, Ashley had the things Jason MAF or Jason at the time was a hat east-west artist.
And he was looking for somebody to, um, kind of run the day-to-day operation. And, you know, Jason, I have been friends for awhile at the time and he saw that he also, before, you know, before all of this, I was in, um, my ex-husband and me start a company called be great partners. And we were one of the first tech incubators in Los Angeles.
And we've we had, we had different funds and we invested, uh, you know, each fund invest in about 20 different companies, had a giant office on, you know, we'll assure. Uh, so Jason kind of saw, you know, my work ethic and basically how committed I am, how hardworking I am. And he knows that I have the relationships.
So he gave me that chance to, uh, come in and run his company and partner up with him. And that was really my first official entertainment job. So yeah, he he's really helped open that door for me.
Justin: [00:16:12] and tell me about like, how, how you got to producing bling empire. Like, it was your idea, right?
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